Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life with Dr. Kevin Skinner

What Intimacy Looks Like Without Pornography (Season 1: Episode #12)

In this powerful final episode of season one the Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life* series, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores what true intimacy looks like once pornography is removed from your life. He challenges the counterfeit connection that pornography offers and invites listeners to rediscover authentic intimacy—one that is grounded in emotional safety, presence, and vulnerability.
Dr. Skinner explains that real intimacy is not about performance or fantasy, but about allowing yourself to be seen—fears, desires, hopes, and all. Drawing on Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, he describes how safety and emotional connection are prerequisites for genuine sexual connection. He then introduces the *Seven Types of Intimacy*—psychological, verbal, emotional, intellectual, creative, spiritual, and physical—emphasizing that sexual intimacy should naturally flow from these deeper forms of connection.
Listeners are invited to reflect on how pornography has shaped their view of intimacy and to envision relationships built on honesty, trust, and mutual presence. By shifting from fantasy to genuine connection, individuals can reclaim not only their sexuality but also their capacity for meaningful love and belonging.
Reflection Questions:
1. How has pornography shaped your understanding of intimacy?
2. What does emotional safety look like in your relationships?
3. How can you practice being fully present instead of focusing on sexual intensity?
Recommended Resources:
- Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life — [HumanIntimacy.com/reclaim](https://www.humanintimacy.com/reclaim)
- The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
- Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation* by Dr. Stephen Porges
- 7 Types of Intimacy in Action by Dr. Kevin Skinner
- Human Intimacy Conference — [HumanIntimacy.com](https://www.humanintimacy.com)
“Intimacy without pornography is richer, more real, and deeply human. It’s not about fantasy—it’s about presence.” — Dr. Kevin Skinner

Reclaiming Your Core Values and Identity (Season 1: Episode #11)

Reclaiming Core Values and Identity
Summary:In this episode of the Reclaim Podcast: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores the essential process of rediscovering who you truly are beneath the layers of shame, secrecy, and behavior patterns. He introduces three key pillars of inner transformation—core values, identity, and differentiation—as the foundation for lasting recovery.
Dr. Skinner explains that core values act as a personal compass, guiding your decisions and defining the kind of person you want to become. By reconnecting with values such as honesty, humility, and kindness, individuals can begin to restore self-respect and integrity.
He then discusses identity, emphasizing that recovery is not just about stopping unwanted behaviors—it’s about integration. Healing occurs when the person you are on the inside matches who you present on the outside. Dr. Skinner shares stories of individuals who have found freedom and self-acceptance by stepping into truth rather than living in fear of exposure.
Finally, Dr. Skinner explores differentiation, the ability to stay true to yourself while remaining emotionally connected to others, even under stress. Drawing on the work of Dr. Murray Bowen and Dr. David Schnarch, he shows how differentiation helps individuals maintain authenticity and integrity, especially when facing relational conflict or shame.
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own values, clarify their motivations for change, and write the statement:
“When I live my core value, I am ________.”
This exercise helps solidify internal alignment and fosters growth toward living as the truest version of oneself.
Suggested Resources:
Skinner, K. (Author). Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal
Skinner, K. (Author). Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal
Bowen, M. (1978). Family Therapy in Clinical Practice
Schnarch, D. (1997). Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships
Frankl, V. (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning
Visit HumanIntimacy.com/Reclaim for additional courses and tools on rebuilding identity and connection.

Reclaiming Relationships: Moving Beyond Shame and Rebuilding Trust (Season 1: Episode #10)

 Reclaiming Relationships:
Moving Beyond Shame and Rebuilding Trust
In this episode of the Reclaim Podcast: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores one of the most critical parts of recovery — repairing relationships damaged by pornography use.
Drawing on 31 years of clinical experience, Dr. Skinner unpacks how secrecy, betrayal, and shame fracture intimacy and safety in relationships. He explains how shame often drives hiding, defensiveness, and withdrawal, while also preventing authentic connection. Moving beyond shame means taking accountability, choosing honesty, and creating space for compassion toward self and partner.
Listeners are guided through the core principles of repair — honesty, consistency, and empathy — and are introduced to practical steps such as daily check-ins, reflective listening, and couples agreements. Dr. Skinner also explains structured repair processes like full disclosure, impact letters, and emotional restitution letters as tools for rebuilding trust.
The episode closes with a reflection assignment: writing a Letter of Intent that outlines how you want to show up differently in relationships, what commitments you are willing to make, and how you will face shame honestly as a path toward growth.
📚 Suggested Resources
Books by Dr. Kevin Skinner
Treating Trauma from Sexual Betrayal
Rebuild Your Relationship after Sexual Betrayal
Treating Pornography Addiction
Related Readings
Becker, M. & Kwee, A. (2020). Compassion for Couples: Building the Skills of Forgiveness, Empathy, and Mindfulness.
Tatkin, S. (2016). Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.
Duhigg, C. (2023). Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection.
Tools & Assessments
Recovery Capital Scale – measure the personal and relational resources that support long-term healing.
Sexual Stress Inventory – identify areas of stress influencing pornography use and relationships.
Intimacy Scale (HumanIntimacy.com) – reflect on strengths and growth areas in relational connection.
 

When the Trigger Hits: How to Respond Instead of React (Season 1: Episode #9)

When the Trigger Hits:
How to Respond Instead of React
Episode Summary
In this episode of Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores one of the most common challenges in recovery—triggers. Whether external (images, places, sounds, people) or internal (stress, boredom, loneliness, anger), triggers are inevitable. But as Dr. Skinner explains, the trigger itself isn’t the problem—it’s how we respond that matters.
You’ll learn practical strategies for handling triggers, including:
Building awareness and naming the trigger when it arises.
Using grounding techniques like deep breathing, body scans, and the butterfly hug.
Practicing journaling and reflection to create space between stimulus and response.
Relying on a support system of accountability partners and groups.
Preparing a trigger game plan for high-risk times and environments (like late at night or when alone).
By developing awareness and intentional responses, you can stop the “automatic reaction” cycle and create new neural pathways that strengthen your recovery. As Dr. Skinner reminds us: You can’t stop a bird from landing on your head, but you can stop it from building a nest.
This episode invites you to reflect on your personal triggers, identify whether they’re internal or external, and build a plan so you’re ready the next time the trigger hits.
📚 Resources Mentioned
The Butterfly Hug Technique (grounding tool): Video Guide
Human Intimacy Assessments & Resources: humanintimacy.com/reclaim
Book: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk – understanding how trauma and triggers affect the body
Book: Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl – insights on creating space between stimulus and response
12-Week Reclaim Course: Practical guidance and exercises for recovery (available at humanintimacy.com/reclaim)
 

Guarding Your Mind: Digital Boundaries for Real Freedom (Season 1: Episode #8)

Guarding Your Mind:
Digital Boundaries for Real Freedom
✨ Summary
In this episode of the Reclaim Podcast: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner addresses one of the most pressing challenges of our time: navigating a digital world overflowing with sexualized content. From social media feeds to billboards, temptations are everywhere, and without clear boundaries recovery can feel impossible.
Through story and practical teaching, Dr. Skinner outlines how to protect your mind, body, and time in the digital age. He introduces simple, actionable strategies—like curating your media intake, creating device-free spaces, and building healthier routines—to design an environment where recovery can thrive.
The episode also highlights the COAL approach (Curiosity, Openness/Observation, Acceptance, Loving Kindness), a mindfulness framework developed by Dr. Dan Siegel, to help individuals respond effectively to triggers without shame or fear.
Listeners are invited to reflect on their biggest digital triggers, write down three specific steps to protect themselves, and explore deeper recovery strategies through the 12-week Reclaim course at HumanIntimacy.com/Reclaim.
📚 Resources Mentioned
Accountability & Filtering Tools
Covenant Eyes
Canopy
Net Nanny
The COAL Approach (Dan Siegel’s mindfulness framework)
Curiosity – explore what you’re thinking/feeling without judgment
Openness/Observation – acknowledge what’s happening inside and around you
Acceptance – recognize triggers without fear or denial
Loving Kindness – respond to yourself with compassion instead of shame
Lifestyle Practices to Reduce Cravings
Regular sleep
Exercise and movement
Healthy nutrition
Intentional use of time (journaling, calling a friend, reading, walking, swimming)
The Reclaim Course
A 12-week guided program with step-by-step strategies for recovery
Available at: HumanIntimacy.com/Reclaim
 

The Power of Honesty: Accountability and Disclosure in Recovery (Season 1: Episode #7)

The Power of Honesty:
Accountability and Disclosure in Recovery
In this episode of the Reclaim Podcast: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores how honesty, accountability, and disclosure accelerate the recovery process. Pornography thrives in secrecy and isolation, but when the truth is brought into the light, shame loses its grip and healing becomes possible.
Dr. Skinner shares a powerful story of a man living a double life, highlighting the freedom that comes when honesty replaces deception. He explains why accountability is essential—whether through a sponsor, group, mentor, or trusted friend—and how consistency in truth-telling builds integrity and self-confidence.
A major focus is on the disclosure process:
For married/partnered individuals, disclosure must be thoughtful, structured, and often guided by a professional to avoid re-traumatizing a partner.
For singles, disclosure means coming fully clean with oneself, with God (if spiritual), and with a trusted accountability partner—building transparency today to prepare for intimacy tomorrow.
The episode concludes with practical steps, journal prompts, and an invitation to track not just abstinence streaks but honesty streaks. Listeners are encouraged to begin sharing the truth in safe ways, moving from secrecy and self-deception toward a life of integrity and freedom.
📚 Recommended Resources
Dr. Anna Lembke – Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence (on honesty as a path to freedom and behavior change).
Human Intimacy: Reclaim Course – A 12-week journey covering recovery capital, emotional regulation, and disclosure preparation.
Patrick Carnes – Out of the Shadows (a foundational work on secrecy, shame, and sexual compulsivity).
Brene Brown – Daring Greatly (on vulnerability and the power of truth-telling).
Accountability Tools – Daily accountability worksheet at humanintimacy.com/reclaim.

Buffalo Up: Emotional Strength for Lasting Recovery (Season 1: Episode #6)

Buffalo Up: Emotional Strength for Lasting Recovery
In this episode of Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner introduces a powerful metaphor from the plains—the difference between cows and buffalo in facing a storm. Cows run away, only to suffer longer. Buffalo turn toward the storm, facing it head-on, and pass through more quickly.
Much like the buffalo, recovery requires us to “buffalo up”—to face our difficult emotions and unmet needs rather than running from them. Pornography often becomes an unhealthy escape from feelings like loneliness, shame, or anxiety. By learning to name emotions, self-soothe, and connect with others, you can build emotional resiliency, reduce shame, and find real freedom on the other side of the storm.
This episode will give you practical tools to pause, reflect, and choose healthier ways to meet your emotional needs—so you can strengthen yourself for lasting recovery.
📚 Resources & Next Steps
Reclaim: A 12-Week Course to Heal from Pornography and Rebuild Your LifeGo deeper with strategies, guided exercises, and tools to help you face difficult emotions and create long-term change.👉 Learn more and enroll here
Episode Reflection Prompt:
Before acting out, pause and name what you’re feeling.
Ask: What unmet need is really behind this urge?
Decide: How can I face this storm like the buffalo instead of running from it?
Previous Episode: Breaking the Cycle: Rewiring the Brain
Next Episode: Boundaries and Safety in the Recovery Journey

Interrupting the Cycle: How to Rewire Your Brain for Lasting Change (Season 1 — Episode 5)

In this powerful episode, Dr. Kevin Skinner explores how habitual pornography use becomes neurologically reinforced and what it takes to interrupt that cycle. By breaking down the habit loop—cue, behavior, and reward—Dr. Skinner explains why willpower alone isn’t enough and how neuroplasticity makes real change possible. Through strategies like the 10-minute rule, the five-why exercise, and habit tracking, listeners learn how to delay the automatic response and rewire their brains with intentional, values-based behaviors. This episode also features the inspiring story of Lisa Allen from The Power of Habit, illustrating how one keystone habit can change everything.
If you’re ready to take your healing deeper, I invite you to join me in the 12-session course: Reclaim — Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life.
In this course, we walk step-by-step through exercises like the ones you learned today, with video guidance, reflection worksheets, and weekly challenges. You’ll also get access to exclusive Q&A sessions and a digital support tool that answers your questions throughout your journey.
🔗 Learn more at humanintimacy.com/reclaim
Take the next step to reclaim your life, your relationships, and your identity.

When the Craving Hits: Why You Need a Plan With Dr. Kevin Skinner (Season 1 - Episode #4)

🎙️ Episode Title:
When the Craving Hits: Why You Need a Plan
🧠 Episode Summary:
In this episode of Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr. Kevin Skinner dives into one of the most critical elements of long-term recovery—understanding and managing cravings and urges. He explains the nuanced difference between cravings (a mental and physical longing) and urges (a strong physiological compulsion), and why recognizing both is essential for lasting change.
Dr. Skinner emphasizes the importance of being prepared for “crucial moments,” when cravings intensify and decision-making becomes impaired. Drawing on brain research, real-life examples, and the science of dopamine, he outlines why a customized, pre-planned strategy dramatically increases the likelihood of success. The episode also covers the emotional toll of relapses, the reality of withdrawal symptoms, and the importance of patience and self-awareness in the healing process.
Listeners are encouraged to begin identifying their patterns and triggers, and to start drafting a personalized game plan to weather the storm of temptation.
🧰 Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
Sexual Stress Inventory[Free assessment to evaluate the core areas impacted by pornography use]
Recovery Capital Scale[Measure your internal and external resources for long-term recovery success]
Reclaim Online CourseA guided 12-week course designed to help individuals understand the roots of their behavior, develop effective strategies, and build sustainable healing. Includes weekly live Q&A with Dr. Kevin Skinner.
Book Recommendation:Changing for Good by James Prochaska — foundational research on the stages of behavior change and why most people don’t succeed the first time.

Mapping Your Sexual Stress: Using the Six-Factor Inventory to Jump-Start Recovery (Season 1-Episode #3)

🎙️ Episode #3
Mapping Your Sexual Stress: Using the Six-Factor Inventory to Jump-Start Recovery
 
📑 Episode Summary
In this deep-dive episode of Reclaim: Healing from Pornography and Rebuilding Your Life, Dr Kevin Skinner walks you through the Sexual Stress Inventory, a six-category framework that pinpoints where—and why—unwanted sexual behaviors keep showing up. You’ll learn how to:
Consistently Abstain – why true sobriety requires time, patience, and Recovery Capital.
Regain Behavioral Control – spotting the moments when “I could lose everything” still isn’t enough to stop you.
Recognize Consequences – confronting the hidden ways your actions hurt loved ones.
Decode Your Emotional Response – understanding irritability, withdrawals, and the dopamine “temper tantrum.”
Manage Cravings & Urges – building a granular, step-by-step action plan before temptation strikes.
Disarm Shame – shifting the internal dialogue from “I’m unlovable” to “I’m reclaiming the real me.”
Dr Skinner also explains why he layers in screenings for Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE-10), PHQ-9 depression, GAD-7 anxiety, and ADHD, showing how early trauma, mood, and attention challenges often fuel compulsive sexual behavior.
The episode closes with a preview of next week’s focus on cravings and urges—the place most people feel stuck—and an invitation to use the free assessments and resources that accompany the Reclaim program.
 
🔗 Resources & Next Steps
Resource
What You’ll Get
Link
Sexual Stress Inventory & companion assessments
Instant scores for stress, ACEs, mood, and ADHD—plus tailored starter tips
humanintimacy.com/reclaim
Book — Treating Pornography Addiction
Dr Skinner’s evidence-based roadmap for clinicians and strivers alike
humanintimacy.com/book
Online Course — Reclaim: Overcoming Unwanted Sexual Behaviors
12-module, self-paced training with video lessons, worksheets, and group options
humanintimacy.com/reclaim-course
Recovery Capital Worksheet (free download)
Assess and strengthen the personal, social, and community assets that sustain long-term change
same link as above
Book — Dopamine Nation by Dr Anna Lembke
Insight into the brain’s reward system and why withdrawals feel so intense
 
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.)
24/7 confidential support if you’re feeling unsafe with your thoughts
 
Ready to go deeper? Grab the assessments, pick up the book, or enroll in the course today—and make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss our upcoming episode on mastering cravings and urges. It’s time to reclaim the real you.